Professional speech writing
After-Dinner Speech Writer
The after-dinner speech is a different animal. There’s no running order of thank-yous to get through, no bride to toast, no safety net. The room has been fed, watered and seated for an hour, and now they want to be entertained. That’s the whole job, and it’s a hard one. Get it right and you’re the best part of the night.
I write after-dinner speeches that are original, genuinely funny and built to hold a room, pitched for your audience, in your voice, around your material. You stand up with something worth saying; I take care of getting it there.
What makes mine different
- No circuit gags. Every line is written for you and your room, not lifted from the same tired routine everyone’s heard at the last three dinners.
- Built to be heard, not read. Decades writing for broadcast means it’s shaped for the ear: rhythm, set-ups, pauses, the lot.
- Pitched for the actual audience. A rugby club and a livery company want very different evenings. The speech is tuned to yours.
- Yours, start to finish. Your stories, your voice, unlimited revisions, delivered in 7 days, last-minute possible.
How it works
- Tell me about the night. The event, the crowd, the tone they’re expecting, and your material, your angle, the thing you want them talking about afterwards.
- I write the speech. A complete, structured, genuinely entertaining draft, built around all of it.
- We sharpen it together. You read it, we cut, we tighten, we time it, until it lands.
Why work with me
Written by a professional, for you
I started as a magazine journalist, spent fifteen years in television including presenting on BBC Top Gear, and have written speeches professionally since 2012, making me the UK’s most highly rated and reviewed speech writer.
★★★★★ 4.9/5 from 421 verified reviews.
Read my story →Verified reviews
Don’t take my word for it
Simple pricing
Straightforward pricing.
A bespoke after-dinner speech starts from £499, unlimited revisions included. Tell me about your event and I’ll confirm the price.
See what’s included →Good to know
Frequently asked questions
What makes an after-dinner speech different from a wedding speech?
Everything except the nerves. There’s no running order of thank-yous to hit, the whole job is to entertain a well-fed, well-watered room for ten or twenty minutes, so it has to be funnier, tighter and built entirely around holding their attention.
What kinds of events do you write for?
Charity and gala dinners, sports and social clubs, corporate awards, retirements, and association or society dinners, anywhere someone’s been handed the after-dinner slot and told to be good.
How long should an after-dinner speech be?
Usually ten to twenty minutes, depending on the event and your billing. I’ll help you pitch the length to the room.
Will it actually be funny?
That’s the entire point, original, well-timed humour written for your specific audience, never the recycled circuit gags everyone’s heard.
How does it work?
You tell me about the event, the audience and your material; I write the speech; we refine it together until it’s exactly right.
How quickly can you turn it around?
Usually within 7 days, and I can work to a tight deadline when the date’s looming.
Can’t I just use ChatGPT or AI?
You can, but brace yourself. I’ve tested it thoroughly: AI lists your facts in order, can’t judge what’s appropriate, and — fatally for a speech — it can’t be funny. It arranges words; it can’t find the story only you can tell or read a room. Here’s what happened when I put ChatGPT to the test →
Let’s talk about your event
Tell me about the occasion, the audience and the date, and I’ll send a tailored proposal.