The ultimate groom speech guide

This is very straightforward. I am not a fan of clichés in wedding speeches and avoid them as much as possible, with one notable exception, and that’s the opening lines of the groom speech. There really is no better way to kick off the speech and to get people cheering from the beginning, than to welcome everyone on behalf of ‘my wife and I’. It works every single time, and anyone looking to better it, really is trying too hard to be different, sometimes, and only very rarely, the dusty old wedding clichés get it spot on.

EXAMPLE:

“Good afternoon everyone…on behalf of my wife and I…thanks you all so much for being here with us, and making to day today even more special….even the best man Dave”

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, it is so wonderful to have you all here with us today, it really does mean a great deal to us both…I’m just glad that the best man Dave made it here in one piece…because the last thing I heard his full time carers weren’t going to release him”

The structure of a groom speech is really important, because without a clear framework, it can all too soon become a rambling mess. Where people usually go wrong is to keep flitting back and forwards with the same ideas – once you’ve mentioned someone, then you should really keep moving on to different areas. Don’t forget, you’ve only got limited time up there before you out stay your welcome.

 The structure can be very basic. The beginning of the speech should of course, be the welcome, and then you can include thanks to anyone that’s really helped out. Avoid going straight into talking about your bride, as in my opinion and experience, the speech should always build towards her part in the latter stages. Once you’ve got the ‘admin’ bits of the speech covered, you can then include a toast to those no longer with us.

That brings us to the next part of the structure which is all about the important people. This should include:

1. both sets of parents.
2. Best man
3. Ushers
4. Bridesmaids. 

Things to remember:

1. You need to keep this fairly punchy and resist going into too much detail, so make every sentence count. Yes, it would be great to talk about the ushers in detail, but you simply haven’t got the time.
2. You need to come up with a way of summarising their impact on your life in a really creative, efficient, and preferably funny way. 
3. This is also true of the best man. Many grooms write as much about their best man as they do their brand new wife, so check your world count and adjust accordingly. 
4. There is usually an expectation from the bride to lay out in detail her various relationships with the bridesmaids. Just keep in mind that when it comes to a groom speech, less is always more.
5. The final part of the structure is all about the bride, and what you simply have to focus on here, is avoiding the trap of saying the same thing in about 3 different ways. This should include how you met, first dates, and how your relationship developed, and what she means to you.

I like to include any thanking that needs to be done at the top of the speech and to get it out of the way as early as possible. 

Things to remember:

1. These thanks should only ever be reserved for friends and family that have really helped you out with the wedding plans and/or on the day.
2. If possible group them together so you’re not reading out a list of individual thanks. If you do attempt to do this it’s going to be very tedious to listen to, lose all impact and really start to rack up the word count. 
3. Whatever you do don’t be tempted to start thanking the venue, the caterers, photographer etc. They are all being paid handsomely, and really, they should be thanking you!

EXAMPLES:

“I would like to thank Uncle Dave for coming all the way from Australia to the UK…which, let’s face it, is just like Australia but with slightly more swimming gold medals and slightly fewer blokes with non ironic mullets”

“I would really like to thank Mary for all her hard work making our cake, and for Cassie for making all the beautiful bridesmaids dresses, thanks to them you haven’t had to look at, or eat anything or look at anything that I’ve been responsible for which can only be a good thing. I have on the other hand been responsible for the free bar which I’m not saying is as good as a dress…but it’s a pretty close second.”

Some people go to extraordinary efforts and expense to be make it to weddings on the other side of the world, and quite rightly that should be publicly recognised in the groom speech. You should try to group these together as much as possible, so if you’ve got several different guests coming all the way from New York, put them under one umbrella and avoid thanking them individually. It’s also an opportunity to have some fun with where they’ve come from and where the wedding is, so a comparison between Los Angeles and Stevenage is ripe for the picking. Maybe as a pay off you could offer some way in which all that effort is going to be worthwhile such as the free bar/meal/watching you dance.

EXAMPLES:

‘Don’t worry uncle Dave your carbon footprint all becomes worthwhile when you see me dancing later on”

“I would like to thank Dave for coming all the way from New York, not saying that Dave’s usually late but to get him here on time we actually told him the wedding was last week.”

There should only be one absent friends toast in the series of wedding speeches, and that’s usually taken care of by the groom. I like to put the absent friend’s toast towards the start of the speech because you want to end on a positive, celebratory note and not to bring things down.

It all depends on how close your relationship was with friends and family that have passed away, but obviously the closer you were, the more detail you’re going to put into this section. Parents who have died, obviously deserve a really special mention, and as difficult as it may be, you’re still going to have to treat this as an overview, and don’t be tempted to go into too much detail. The day is about one person: the bride, and you need to keep the spotlight on her – in other words don’t write a mini eulogy.

Example:

“Unfortunately, my father cannot be with us today. He was a much loved family man, son, uncle and friend to many, and he is missed greatly every day.”

This is pretty much the only time in your life that you’re going to stand up and tell a room full of people what amazing parents you have, and what a great job they’ve done, so don’t blow it. 

Things to remember:

1. You need to say as succinctly as possible how much you love and respect them for the years of sacrifice, hard work and generally putting up with you. Hopefully, you’re only going to get one stab at this, so chose your words carefully.
2. Again, recounting specific stories here really eats into the words, and I would only ever use one if it had a killer punchline, and keep the whole thing down to a couple of punchy sentences.
3. Talking about your parents is always fertile ground for having some fun, and will balance out the more heartfelt things you might like to say, so what is it that you have, or haven’t, inherited from your parents, and how can you make that funny?

EXAMPLES:

“Dad, I would like to thank you for passing on your brains…well, I say thank you but as they only led me to becoming an estate agent, the juries out as to exactly how useful they really have been.”

“Dad, thanks for the hair genetics, you really shouldn’t have. I mean you REALLY shouldn’t have.”

What you’re looking to do here is achieve roughly the same world count for both sets of parents. Focussing on one set of parents is the kind of thing that really sticks out in a speech, and usually grooms are guilty of giving their new in laws the big up, and skimping on their own mum and dad, so make sure it’s even. 

Things to remember:

1. Here you talk about how they’ve welcomed you into their family, and what it is about them that you love so much. 
2. Try to draw parallels between the people they are, the way they raised their daughter and the person she is today.
3. If there are specific times you’ve shared together that really mean something, then here’s where to add them in.
4. If there’s any conflict between you and either your parents and/or the bride’s, then just glide over it. Don’t use the speech as attempt to point score, as it will only backfire.

I much prefer to handle the best man in the middle of the speech and avoid any clumsy handover at the end, because I believe the conclusion of your speech should be all about the bride. You need to say what a great friend/brother he has been and how much better your life has been for having him in it. This isn’t to be taken lightly, best men are appointed because of their close connection, and it’s the only time you’re ever going to get to let everyone know what he means to you, so make the most of it. Then you need to find a way of having some fun with his character and exploiting some of his weaknesses etc. that might suggest why his judgment could be poor.

EXAMPLES:

“Jake is an estate agent, he’s paid to tell lies, so prepare yourself for some of his most creative work yet!”

“It should be noted that Dave is a Sunderland fan and so has never been amongst a crowd of happy people before and will probably react by creating controversy just s he can feel comfortable again.”

It’s groomsmen in the US and Australia, and ushers in Europe, but they all do the same job: support the groom in the run up to the wedding and ion the big day itself. When you’re thanking ushers keep it general, light and funny, and please don’t find things to say about each and every one, otherwise we’re going to be here all day. This should be fun as well, so if there’s a way of collectively having a laugh with them, exploit it. If you are going to mention the stag weekend or bachelor party, and it’s not something I’d recommend, then do it here, and go light on detail.

It’s your job to talk about and toast the bridesmaids, not the best man. You need to mention them by name, and say what a great group of friends/sisters they have been and how great it is that you’ve got them in your life as well. You could thank them for organising the hen weekend, and say what a culturally enriching experience that was for all concerned. If this involves sisters you should say how amazing it is to now be related…even if you don’t mean it! The toast at the end is the only toast that the groom has to make.

EXAMPLES:

‘Sarah, you are an amazing sister to Jane, and I am so happy that we are now officially family…you don’t have to agree but at least I come with access to free plant machinery hire”

“ladies you all look absolutely amazing, the facts that there are seven of you, and one looks quite grumpy is in no way going to lead me make any Disney comparisons”

This is the conclusion of the speech and in reality, should make up about 30% of the total word count. In these words, you need to describe how you met, what an incredible positive impact she’s had on your life, what her character is like, what she means to you and how you proposed. 

There is a lot to fit in there, and these words will stay with you for life, so make what you say really count. On the other hand, you can’t be too gushy, because that can come across as a little clumsy too. Think about what makes her character unique in your eyes; what is it about your wife that makes her the person you want to share your life with? In these words you could include some short anecdotes of the times you’ve shared so far that highlight her character, passions and unique sense of humor. 

This cannot be one huge chunk of emotion, there needs to be light and shade, funny ideas and observations about your new wife always go down well, and you should sprinkle these throughout. A common mistake is to repeat what you’ve already said but in a slightly different way. So, if you’ve said how much you love her in one way, then that’s enough.

The Final Toast – You’re looking to finish the speech in the most succinct way possible so don’t drag it out too long. I always avoid toasting the bride in isolation, it’s never felt right and I think in the celebration of marriage only toasting one half is a little weird. Instead, just make it a general health/happiness toast and you’re done.

The closing lines in a groom speech are a contentious issue, and I’ve always diverted from tradition. The usual status quo when it comes to the closing lines in a groom speech, is to then hand over to your best man, and this for me, is getting it completely wrong.

The best man should have already been mentioned, the last sentiment and words you should say has to be all about your bride, so why make the best man the final part? Forget handing over to him, and leave at a toast to the future. Everyone knows he’s on next, and many weddings have an MC to remind them.

This is a really common tricky area, and on that needs to be handled very carefully especially if new partners are involved. Take them one at a time and make sure you give each parent an equal measure. If their new partners have been around for a long time and have had a big impact on your life, then this needs to be recognised.

I usually start with the father, but with Jewish weddings you should probably start with the mother. What you’re looking to do is not give any opportunity for inequality, so don’t wax lyrical about your dad’s new partner and go light on your mum – the ramifications of this speech will last for many years. If either parent has a very new partner on the scene, then it’s best to just omit them altogether.

Many grooms see the speech as an opportunity to dish out a little treat to people that have helped and who also mean a lot to them, unfortunately it’s one of the most counterproductive things you can do in a speech. Making the whole room twiddle their thumbs whilst various people make their way up to the top table to collect tankards etc. not only makes the speech unbearably long, but also it stops it dead in its tracks.

Forward momentum is the key to a great speech and the last thing you want to do is have to get everyone back on board again. I always recommend handing out the gifts in a private moment on the morning of the wedding.

One of the pitfalls of a groom speech is having no balance to it because you’re far too keen to talk about your bride. Diving straight in to the subject of the bride might seem like a great idea, but the latter end of the speech and conclusion should all be about her, and so there’s no point in beginning the speech talking about her and then ending it talking about her. I have seen many groom speeches which are only made up of talking about the bride and how amazing she is. You can try it, but it won’t work.