Mother of the Groom Speech

The mother of the groom speech has for some years become much more of a staple in the wedding speech line up, as an alternative to the more common father of the groom speech, and this is due to several reasons. Sometimes a bereavement means that there’s no father to make the speech, sometimes a divorce renders and challenging relationships renders that slot vacant, and occasionally mothers from intact, and perfectly happy families, would just like to have their say. In these various situations there are of course, subtle differences in the way you should approach them, which I’ll detail below.

Bereavement

In the case that the bride’s father is no longer with us, then it can fall to his wife, or former partner to make that speech in his place. Obviously, you need to tread carefully, but I always like to include any departed people in a really positive and celebratory way, and I like to do that at the beginning of the speech. The parting words should always be about the happy couple, so you don’t want to being everyone down with sadness, so include it at the top of the speech and move on. Now is not the time for a mini eulogy. If you were divorced from the bride’s father then references as to how great he was need to be very much in the context of his ability as a parent, and not as a partner!

Divorce

Divorce is by far the most common issue I have to tackle in wedding speeches, and the extent to which it has an effect all depends on the quality of the relationship you enjoy with your former partner. Quite often the mother is asked to make this speech as the relationship with the father is so poor that he’s either not attending, or not being trusted to speak. Even in this case it’s always best to at least make reference to him, as a complete omission speaks louder than 100 words. Keep it upbeat and light, and don’t use any part of the speech as an opportunity to points score.

Additional Speech

If you are making a mother of the groom speech as well as the father of the groom, then you need to make sure that the length of your speech is suitable, and that you’re saying the same things as his dad. If your speech makes the total number of speakers in the line up 4, then your speech should be no longer than 1000 words. If there are 5 speaker, trim that down to 800. Unless you stick to that, the whole section of speeches takes on epic proportions, and the poor guy making the best man speech at the end will be on a hiding to nothing. Also check what his dad’s saying - maybe your husband, maybe not! The last thing you should do is double up in content, because if you do, and you go after him, the speech will instantly fall flat.

Things to remember for a mother of the groom speech

Introduce Yourself

It may sound odd, but it works and will ease you into the speech.

Sentiment

This is a really powerful element of the speech but needs to done in just the right way. You have to be measured in the way you deliver the sentiment, because if overloaded, it can all become a bit too much. Make it sound fresh, and from you, not lines cut and pasted from the internet.

Humour

This is the other really important element of the speech, and without it, you’ll have no balance and it all becomes one big wave of emotion. These can be funny ideas, memories, observations – whatever works for you, however, in order for it to be a success sit needs to be genuinely funny and not require any previous knowledge of the groom in order to understand it.

The Bride

Welcome her into the family, and say what an amazing influence she’s been on your son, but keep it succinct and avoid saying the same thing in 3 different ways. If that’s not the case and you’re not a fan of the bride, then keep it polite and simple, avoid the urge to deliver any subtly barbed comments.

Length

If there are 4 speakers in total, make it around 100 words, certainly no longer. For every extra speaker added, cut off 200 words. Not everyone might follow this guidance, but the guests will love you for delivering a punchy powerful speech rather than a rambling 3000 word epic.

Toasts

All you have to do is toast the coupe at the end, there are no other toasts required, and God forbid don’t start toasting the bridesmaids. The best idea is to check with our son what toasts he’s making but as a rule, just a simple toast at the end is all that’s required.

Mother of the Groom Speech

Bereavement

Divorce

Additional Speech

Things to remember for a mother of the groom speech

Introduce Yourself

Sentiment

Humour

The Bride

Length

Toasts

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