Groom speech second time round

Very recently I ticked another first in the world of All Speeches Great and Small, by being asked to write a groom speech for someone I had already penned one for about 7 years ago. It should come as no surprise to me that not all the relationships I play a tiny part in don't go the distance, and I'd like to think it wasn't anything to do with the speech. I'll put my hand up when I've got it wrong, but the brand new wife getting married whilst having an affair isn't one of them.

So, what should a groom speech feel like second time round? Well, the elephant in the room is of course the other marriage, and deciding whether to mention it or not. I have always maintained that it's a no go zone - the wedding day is really all about one person: the bride, and she doesn't want very public reminders that this isn't your first rodeo. Having said that, the guy I wrote for recently was adamant that it should be in the speech in a funny way...and also the marriage before that one. I was a little reluctant but being convinced that the bride had a robust sense of humor, I worked in some funny lines here and there, and it actually went down really well. So, I'm going to revise my stance on that one - it's your call to judge whether your new wife is going to see the comedy in the situation, and if she's the sort who will, then go for it.

Second time round usually means that there will be children involved, and this is where it can get really tricky, especially if your new partner has children too. Your children, whatever age, need to feel included and wanted on the day, the last thing you should do is skim their part and give the impression you've moved on...or even worse start eulogising your new step children. There can be a temptation to go light here if your children and your partner aren't on great terms. Avoid that temptation, or you'll have plenty of time to regret it. If you have a challenging relationship with your step children, and that's not unusual, embrace the challenge and use the speech as a starting point for a new start.

The groom speech is an amazing opportunity to stand up and lovely things about the people who are, and have been important in your life. Seize that opportunity with both hands.