Are you ready for the big performance?

 
It's about this time of year that Grooms the world over start thinking about THAT speech. Christmas, has been and gone, there are no baubles to hide behind anymore. What you've been putting off thinking about for a few months now is turning into a hard reality and the sooner you get to grips with it the better. So, where to start? What is a Groom's Speech all about and just what should you bear in mind?
 

Performance

Well, like it or not the Groom's Speech is a performance, or at least it should be. Nothing will send a shiver down the spine of newly married bride more than the sight of her beloved unable to string a sentence together and completely incapable of raising a smile. If he can't do that...what will he be like out putting the bins out, or fixing the tap or even walking and talking? Your genetic make up will be found wanting and quite rightly. If you think this is simply a stand up and say thanks for coming, you should probably apologise in advance.

Thanks

A Groom's Speech has the most targets to hit of all the speakers, so you've got to be on your game and plan it so that the speech doesn't end up being one huge procession of thanks. Listening to people thank other people you've never heard of and don't care about is about as fun as dropping the toaster in the bath. Think about how to make each acknowledgement funny.

humor

Don't think because you're not the Best man that a warm, humorous speech isn't expected. It is. Any wedding speech without comedy is an opportunity wasted and simply makes listening to it a complete chore. If you haven't said something funny within the first paragraph, you're doing something wrong. If you're looking for groom speech help and find somebody who disagrees with this, then they are talking nonsense.

Paid Services

Forget thanking the wedding planners, florists, cupcake makers, photographers, ring makers or indeed the guy who sold you the £3000 suit. You have a limited time to talk about the people who are important in your life and mean something to you. If you've paid for a service they should be thanking you, not the other way around.

Parents

This is the one opportunity in your life to publicly thank your mum and dad, so don't gift it. There's a tendency for a groom to be so head over heels in love with his bride, he falls head over heels in love with her parents. You should mention both sets in equal measure.

Toasts

You've potentially got the most toasts to make, although the only one you HAVE to make is to the bridesmaids. It's always a nice touch to toast the parents and many grooms like to make a toast to absent friends. If you're thinking about more than three toasts, don't. Also never make guests stand for them, otherwise the whole thing is going to look like some sort of up and down oompah band performance.

Your Bride

There's no question that this is her day, she's the star of the show and all the attention should quite rightly be on her. However, when it comes to the speeches there needs to be some balance because listening to a ten minute ode to my beautiful bride will soon have the guests trying to stick forks into their heads to end the torture. You should always have a decent chunk about her in there but avoid making it a gushing, uncomfortable voyage around my partner.