It's a sad fact of life, that by the time you stand up to make your father of the bride speech there are going to be some people who aren’t there to celebrate with you. Nothing shines a light on to difficult family situations like a wedding, and nothing focuses it more than the speeches. Trying to navigate your way around bereavement is never easy, doing it in a very public way, can prove impossible.
Usually it’s the grandparents who are the most likely to those amongst the absent friend list. For decades we have been marrying at a greater age than our parents, and by basic maths that means the likelihood of grandparents being around when your children tie the knot is now extremely slim. I cannot remember the last time I wrote a speech with a complete intact set of grandparents. This can be challenging, but not nearly as challenging as when it’s your own partner who isn’t there.
There’s a huge temptation when the connection is as close as this, and the bereavement is still quite raw to slip into a mini eulogy without really realising it. You want so much for that person to be there, that you cannot resist the urge to include them in a disproportionate way in the speech. This is entirely understandable, however, it should be avoided at all costs. The wedding day is all about the bride, and anything that moves the spotlight away form her and the euphoric celebrations is really going to corrupt not only the day, but also the memory of the day.
If your wife or partner is decease, then they should be included in a really positive, uplifting way somewhere towards the beginning of the speech. There’s a temptation to end the speech with the toast to absent friends just before the final toast and that is completely misguided. You should end this speech on a high, not by bringing the mood down so forget being maudlin and then trying to gee everyone up for a final toast.
Also less is more in so many ways when it comes to wedding speeches, and never is that more applicable in this case. Don’t be tempted to channel too many words in what could be said much more powerfully in a more efficient way. I always stick to the idea that something is much more effective said articulately once, than saying in about 3 different ways. Also read this part of the speech as often as you can to immunise yourself against the emotion, that way you will be able to ride the rollercoaster of that emotion without completely falling off.
